With or For?

As part of the church planting residency, the first two books we read were about humility. If you ever think you're handling pride well, read some books about humility. It will take away your pride about your pride pretty quickly. As I was reflecting on the books, I felt in my spirit a sense of pride within me, but I couldn't put a finger on where it was. Sure, I have pride issues just as everyone else, but there was something deeper, something beyond the standard human condition. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I was coming up with nothing.

A week or so later, I was on a bike ride. I was planning on listening to the Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast. As I opened my podcast app, I felt the Lord very strongly directing me to listen to the latest episode of Between Sundays with Matt Chandler and his wife Lauren about the story behind Storied Provisions, which is a coffee shop across the church parking lot that was started by Lauren and a friend of hers. I'm sitting in it as I write this. It's definitely worth your time if you're in the Flower Mound area.

I don't usually listen to this podcast; I've only heard one or two episodes. But for some reason, I apparently needed to listen to it. About 8 1/2 minutes in, I realized why. As Lauren was talking about how the idea turned into reality, she mentioned how she was listening to a podcast where the host was talking about his creative process behind writing books. She said he claimed that when he sits down, he tells the Lord, "I want to do this with you, not for you."

There it was. There was the pride.

I'm going to be planting a church in 2 years, Lord willing. The pride within me wants to build an empire for the Lord. I want to make an impact for the kingdom. I want to bring people from death to life. I want to bring people into the victory found in Christ. I want the church we plant to be a thorn...no...a bullet in Satan's side.

But in that moment, I realized that wanting to do things for God instead of with him is prideful, foolish, trusting in self, my will over his will, and will never bear fruit like if I work with him. It's not about me. He doesn't need me. He doesn't need any of us. In his grace, he chooses to work in and through us as made evident in the Great Commission. But he doesn't have to. And I'm pretty sure if I am doing ministry out of a prideful heart, he will choose not to work in and through me, at least in the same way.

I asked a pastor how he deals with this mentality. I told him that I believe that mindset is about 85% a righteous desire, but I need to kill the remaining 15%. His response was that it's a constant battle that will probably never be killed, but surrounding yourself with people who are there with you to fight the battle will be sweet as honey. God rarely does his work on the mountain tops. He rarely works in the 85%. He works in the 15% - in the struggles, in the sin, in the valleys, in the parts of our lives we wish didn't exist.

Why do you do faith the way that you do? Is it to work with God? Are you, like me, getting caught up in trying to do it for God? Are you not working at all? Maybe this story isn't applicable to anyone reading this at all and it's just a testimony of what God is working on within my own heart. If that's the case, my question is, where is pride hiding within you?