If you look at society today, so much conflict comes from people reading something into a discussion, situation, or comment that is often not there. People attribute racism, sexism, bigotry, hypocrisy, etc. to statements made and suddenly what was an ill-timed joke is now a national headline. Some people bring it on themselves. Some people are intentionally looking for ways to start a fight. But often, people make assumptions that turn mole hills into mountains.
I was reading Genesis 3 this morning. If you have made a habit of reading the Bible, this is probably one of those chapters you breeze through without much deep consideration. It’s one of those passages we’ve heard many times in the church.
As I read it this morning, the verses that struck me were vv. 12-13:
“The man said, ‘The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.’ Then the LORD God said to the woman, ‘What is this that you have done?’” The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate.’”
If you’ve ever heard this passage preached, the preacher has likely made comments about the blame shifting in these two verses. I’ve heard it preached that way. But is that necessarily the case? What both Adam and Eve say to God is factually true - the serpent deceived Eve, Eve ate, gave the fruit to Adam, and then he ate.
I do think that both Adam and Eve are trying to shift the blame to someone else, but to make the argument that they must be doing so is probably overstated. There’s a tone that we read into the text. In my mind, the first phrase that Adam says is passive-aggressive towards God. But, as we all know by reading tones into a text message, sometimes the voice we read with is not the voice it was spoken with.
It made me think, how often do I make broad assumptions based on a tone or intention that may not exist? When someone offers a critique of me, regardless of their intention, do I default to thinking that this person is trying to help me, or do I want to smack them upside the head for daring to find any fault with the perfect job I am obviously doing?
I’ve found that so many arguments/debates/discussions could be resolved if we would just define the words we use and clarify the tone that we might not even know we are using. A pastor I listen to says that he likes to use the phrase “Here’s the story I’m telling myself” when he has negative feelings towards what others are saying. For example, “Here’s the story I’m telling myself: you don’t think I am capable of doing this project and you are rooting for me to fail.”
He said he has never once used that statement and had anyone tell him his assessment is correct. They always correct their tone, clarify what they meant, and often turn and encourage him. That will never happen if we would rather burn in anger based on assumptions. Some people are jerks and are not worthy of our trust, but let’s judge that based on truth, not on assumed tone and intent.
What might change if just this week you and I decided to care about people enough to ask them about their tone, the words they chose, or clarify what they meant? What if we gave people the dignity we often don’t receive? What if we chose to not be offended just because of the way something comes across?
“Here’s the story I’m telling myself…”